Dysregulation in the Nervous System

When we feel stress, anxiety, overwhelm, and all the other emotional states that isn’t a feeling of safety and calm, our autonomic nervous systems are in a state of dysregulation. This can happen throughout the day, with minor issues causing stress. If all goes well, once the danger passes, we return to a state of feeling regulated and safe. For example, getting cut off in traffic by a fast moving truck can be frightening and get our blood pumping, but once the event has passed, we should hopefully return to a state of calm.

>> Learn more about how stress and anxiety affect the nervous system here.

When we stay stuck in dysregulation:

Unfortunately we don’t always feel safe enough to return to a state of calm. We stay stuck in dysregulation between the dorsal vagal system or sympathetic nervous system. The ventral vagal system where regulation takes place feels unreachable, making it difficult for for feelings of safety and the ability to trust to occur.

Many people carrying trauma struggle to self-regulate. Stephen Porges (author of 'The Polyvagal Theory') explains it this way:

‘The personal narrative that brings the client into therapy pleads for trusting relationships, while the narrative of the body emphatically screams that it will not be fooled again and will protect the survivor by not trusting that cues are truly well-intentioned cues of safety.’

- Stephen W. Porges

What this means is the events experienced don't tell the whole story. We're affected not only by what happened to us, but how we feel.

What we felt in the moment gets embedded in us and teaches our nervous system how to react. There is a difference and a disparity between the personal narrative (e.g. what motivated a person to seek therapy or support in the first place) and the nervous system.

What does being dysregulated look like?

Dysregulation isn't always obvious - like having an obvious meltdown like a child being hungry (though that can happen to us adults too!) Being dysregulated isn’t a choice, and with chronic dysregulation, it can be hard to spot the signs. Building awareness by naming how we feel and what is happening in our bodies is a step toward self-regulating.

Sometimes dysregulation can look like...

🔹tense neck and shoulders

🔹perfectionism/feeling not good enough no matter how hard you try

🔹feeling guilty for getting rest (don't be! It's a vital part of health and self-regulation - so much more than flippantly saying 'self-care' - it really is important for your mental and physical health)

🔹anxiety

🔹not being able to trust your own feelings/self-doubt and seeking validation

🔹beating self-up, questioning your decisions, questioning what you said etc. (You are not alone, we've been there!)

🔹sleep disturbances such as insomnia, tossing and turning, waking up in the middle of the night, bad dreams etc.

🔹people pleasing

When our autonomic nervous system is dysregulated, our brain and body feel hijacked putting us in survival mode. Instead of operating from our ventral vagal system where we feel safe and connected, our dorsal vagal system and sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) are activated.

The question then becomes, what needs to be done to bridge and heal the disconnect between our personal narratives and our nervous systems?

Check out the next post on how to start healing the nervous system.